so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
