i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
