better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
