I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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