i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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