how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
