i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
