Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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