If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
