I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
