he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
