I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
