woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
