Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
