just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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