im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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