I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
