I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
