My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
