for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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