i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
