did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
