I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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