Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
