i don't like sucking hair
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
