I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
