You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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