then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
