God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
