I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
