I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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