hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
