sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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