he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
