I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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