Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
