we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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