Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
