hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
