I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
