The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
