Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
