bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
