That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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