i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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