I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
