somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
