My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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