a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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