I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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