Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
