I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
