K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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