I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
