I feel like I'm in dance class right now
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
