i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My vagina is officially offended.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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