bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize