I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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