Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
