Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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