Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
