Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
