if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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