The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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