Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
there's paper in my vomit.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
