I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
