Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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