Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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