I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
