Non-Jews are for practice
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
