I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
