she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
