eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
