omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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