i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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