Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
