1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
