I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
