you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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