Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize