In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize