His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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