He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
