Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
...so i touched it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
