roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
