i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
