just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
