WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't turn off my feet"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
